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Empty, It was.

26 May, 2021

I still remember the first time I stepped into the house after the funeral. I opened the front door and was hesitant to go into our family room. It was different. It was unusual. It was empty.

Although for the following thirty days after my husband passed away, there were always people at our house. People who God graciously surrounded us with, who took turns to visit daily, bringing food, snacks, board games, and toys. But at different times of the day or at the end of the day, it still felt empty. I felt empty. I am pretty sure my children felt the same thing too, even without them saying anything.

Empty. It was.

Even after crying my heart out when the wave of emotions came rushing in
Even after a pleasant trip to the beach
Even after a fun day of movies, frozen yogurt, & yummy food with friends
Even after a good time of laughters with families & friends
Even after a day of shopping at the biggest sale of the year
Even after the house was cleaned, re-decorated & re-organized
Even after a long evening walk
Even after having a time for myself
Even after Christmas party & presents
Even after watching the most beautiful sunset



Empty. It was.

Many times, I would try to picture him sitting at his favorite chair on the dining table or his favorite spot on the couch or being busy in the garage or being on the driver’s seat to drive us around.

Even the most beautiful memories could not replace the presence of our departed loved ones. And it is heartbreaking. We could only wish to hold their hands one more time, to lock eyes one more time, to hug one more time, to lean on their shoulders one more time, to laugh together one more time, to see them one more time, to say things that we held back. We tried to make ourselves feel better by imagining and wishing that they were still around even when the reality was the opposite and we would end up
still empty.

 

Friends, emptiness is a normal and natural part of the grieving process. When we lose something, the place that usually held it is now empty. Whether it’s a big hole in our hearts, or an empty chair, or an empty role, or an empty spot in the house, our natural tendency is to try to fill the emptiness. Without realizing we could turn to a new hobby, more food, more hours of work, a collection of things, reckless spending, new relationships, and many more.

Friends, you may feel empty right now, maybe there is a big deep black hole in your heart that makes you want to give up or desperate to find something to fill in the emptiness. But as you are progressing in the journey, allow me to reassure you that you will get better at your own pace and the emptiness will be lesser over time.


"Does it mean that we are forgetting our loved one?" No, no, no for sure. From my experience, the emptiness will be lesser over time simply because we have learned how to walk with a limp, how to move around with it, how to progress with it, and how to live again even with a limp, with grief.



“What can I do when I  feel empty then?”
Talk to God, tell Him how you feel, and ask Him to fill the emptiness with the warmth of His presence, with His healing touch and with His overwhelming love.

"You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land where there is no water."
Psalm 63:1 (NIV)

God is the only One who can fill the emptiness.
He understands when you feel empty, especially when you just lost a loved one. He knows exactly how losing, emptiness, sadness, and brokenness feels like. He wept when his friend Lazarus died.

Knowing this, you can be assured that God will never leave you alone and let you deal with your grief and emptiness on your own. He hears your cries and no matter what you feel, He is always there for you. We have a God who sees the value of your broken hearts. He can and wants to heal your heart but at the same time
He doesn’t rush your healing.



Friends, grief can surely leave us empty but trust me, you will be better soon,
in your unique timeline, and you will be filled once again, this time with the Ultimate Love and Hope Himself.
You are not alone. 
 


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Written by
Felecia Wong

Felecia Wong is a widow, single mother of three, counselor, writer and entrepreneur. She is devoted . . . .

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