Dear friends, 
In June 2011, my days suddenly went dark. I lost the love of my life, the father of my children. I thought I was going to die, too. I thought to myself “maybe this is how it feels when the world ends”.

Overwhelmed with confusion, deep sadness, anger, It felt like someone just dropped a huge brick on me. I knew it happened, it hit my head but I couldn’t feel the pain. I could hardly breathe. I couldn’t think straight. I was covered in black clouds, all of me. I could see nothing but the worst of the worst. I saw it when my eyes both opened and closed.

No ground to stand on, nothing to hold on to. I felt abandoned, abandoned by the One who says that He loves me the most. With little to no faith, I gathered the courage to ask Him “why?” With a bit of an attitude, I looked up to the sky and said “what now?” Never in my wildest dream, I would’ve imagined taking this route. The thought of walking alone in the journey crushed me. I wanted to run away but I needed to stay for our children.



When life is heavy and hard to take, 
Go off by yourself.
Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions. 
Wait for hope to appear. Don’t run from trouble. Take it full-face. 
The “worst” is never the worst. ‭‭
Lamentations‬ ‭3:28-30‬ ‭MSG‬‬

The idea of asking questions, demanding answers, and running from trouble sounded good.
How did I survive the worst of the worst?

Despite my disappointments, I knew deep down that I had no other way but to run back to the One who says He loves me the most. I chose to hand Him all of my questions, my doubts, my sorrow, my pain, my fear. Some days, I came with nothing but tears. The pain, too much to bear, too much to be uttered. I didn't even know what to feel and where to begin. Some days, I came with all kinds of emotions mixed together. And I discovered that He never turned His back on me. He was there listening, collecting my tears, containing my emotion and lavishing His love on me, the angry & doubtful daughter.

His gentle love captured my heart to see that the worst was never the worst. His gentle love re-shifted my focus from the worst to the One who’s always there all along, the beginning and the end.

I waited for hope to appear.

Between 2011 and now, I went through several seasons of “worst” but again and again, choosing to hold on to the One who says that He loves me the most was how I survived the worst of the worst.

Just take one step closer
Put one foot in front of the other
You’ll get through this
Just follow the light in the darkness
You’re gonna be ok

And when the night is closing in
Don’t give up and don’t give in
This won’t last, it’s not the end
It’s not the end
You’re gonna be ok
written by Jenn Johnson, Seth Mosley, Jeremy Riddle

You are stronger than you know 

Dear friends,
you may be going through what you think is the worst of the worst and I do wish to sit next to you to offer a shoulder, listen to your story and lend you my hope. But since there’s a distance between us, I pray and trust my Father to wrap His arms around you, to give you strength and to help you believe that you are stronger than you know. 

With love,
Felecia